please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
