Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
