What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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