STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
