oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This baby is an asshole
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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