I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
