This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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