There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Randomize
