my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
