hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize