Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
