Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
