Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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