Dual....:-)
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is the high leading the old right now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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