Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
