she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm getting married
To pizza
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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