He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
