my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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