He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
