I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
