I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
