We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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