You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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