Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
