It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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