i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
