just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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