he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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