so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
