Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
