i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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