two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
