The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
