she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
