Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
