I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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