i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
