i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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