haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
