How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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