there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
