I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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