I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
