Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
