btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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