Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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