And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
