please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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