Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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