That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am available for nakedness
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
