she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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