I accidentally burped into my bong.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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