How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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