guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
