yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
