just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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