he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
