Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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