the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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