I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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