accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
