If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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