fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
