Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
