Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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